Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
