A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
