I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
