I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
