the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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