why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize