my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
