If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize