By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
