Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
