Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
