i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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