Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
