he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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