just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
