I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Drunk is not a location!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize