Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
