Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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