i dont even know how to be here
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
