I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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