i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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