he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
