READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
