we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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