I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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