I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
