on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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