I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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