I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
