i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
