I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
