i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
