Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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