well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am available for nakedness
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
