he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
