I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
