just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
