i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
