Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
