hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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