my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
