Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize