I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
