The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we're so committed to being not committed
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
