everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
