i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
