you guys were way drunker than both of me
sarcasm needs its own font
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
