Can i not drive my cunt home
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
