Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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