Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
