He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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