I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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