FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
