You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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