I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
