I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
