my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
