At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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