PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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