Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize