It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize