"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize