I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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