Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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