Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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