Even the bartender felt bad for me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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