Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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