Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
