this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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