We're like a lot better than the average bears
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
