What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
