he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
