I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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