I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
