Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
