2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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