the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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