"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
