3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
