dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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