So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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