Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
