So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
