and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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