just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she told me i tasted like america
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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