I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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